


“Of Sun and Stars our souls are forged…”

by TheUsagi1995



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), BAMF Aziraphale (Good Omens), Because they do not hug as much as I would like them to, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), Crowley has nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hugs, Idiots in Love, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Kissing, Love, M/M, Made For Each Other, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other: See Story Notes, Pet Names, Stars, Tenderness, Wings, Work In Progress, comforting Aziraphale, new relationships, soft
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-12 10:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19944340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUsagi1995/pseuds/TheUsagi1995
Summary: As a snowfall swirls around London, Aziraphale invites Crowley, with whom he has recently moved past being friends, to stay over to the bookstore until the dawn so that the storm will subside. Crowley would love nothing more, now that the world is saved. Behind his closed eyelids, however, linger treacherous enemies, almost as dreadful as the Archangels the duo was up against. Crowley things he can overpower them without alerting the Angel of their existence, which torments his sleep.He has never been more wrong in his life. Aziraphale tends to his long life friend, and now lover, and learns a secret about Crowley that time has tried to bury, yet it lingers in the stars themselves, and it can never fade...





	1. The Light that can banish the Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! This is my first work in this fandom! I know it's been told before and in far better narrative, but I couldn't resist writing a story myself. The 'Nightmares' tag is one of my favorites! I hope you will enjoy!  
> Good Omens, The book as well as the TV show produced by Amazon Prome, belongs to its original creators. None of the characters are mine. No money is made by this.  
> Thank you so much for reading!!

** “Of Sun and Stars our souls are forged…” **

** “Chapter One: The Light that can banish the Darkness…” **

The night was eerily quiet, the hours rolling over one after the other unhindered, bearing all mortal souls, bringing them one moment closer to yet another dawn. London may be a city pulsing with life, but the heavy snowfall had forced people-- and all other sorts of supernatural beings—indoors from an early hour. Aziraphale let the edges of his lips turn slightly upwards as ‘ all other supernatural beings’ that were inhabiting London, listened to the name Crowley. The angel felt a warmth akin to adoration spreading within him as he tore his eyes from the book and darted them upwards, gazing at the ceiling of his shop. On the floor right atop from him, in that small bedroom Aziraphale himself rarely used, lay Crowley, safely concealed from the bitter cold, curled under a total of three blankets.

* * *

The angel had made sure to put some sense into Crowley, preventing him from venturing on a rather dreadful trip back to his own flat. “Crowley, my dear, it’s extremely cold outside. It’s snowing heavily for hours on end. Stay the night and you can return to your flat in the morning, when the sun will offer some kind warmth. And if that doesn’t happen, then… You’re free to stay here as long as you want.” The demon blinked at him, but visibly relaxed at the sound of the words. “You sure, Angel?” Crowley heard himself asking after a moment, needing the verbal confirmation. “My darling…” Laced with guild was the call, and Aziraphale took a couple of steps towards Crowley, raising his hands to cup his face ever so slowly, as though he was afraid of his own hands.

* * *

Elegant fingers, smoothed by the endless pages they touched each day, paused mere inches away from those sharp cheekbones. “Even if we hadn’t crossed that line between us, even if there was nothing else between us but the Arrangement, I would still offer you shelter from the cold.” Crowley breathed in deep. “I know that, Angel. I’m just…” The words were slurred and Crowley hissed involuntarily. “It isss not too fasssst for you, isss it?” Blue eyes fall closed and Aziraphale wondered how deeply those words had cut Crowley and if he could ever repent for the harm he had caused. All of a sudden, eternity seemed far too short a time span for such a task. “No. No Crowley, it’s not too fast.” He assured tersely, feeling waves of relief flowing out of the Demon.

* * *

Crowley smiled in spite of himself, tilting his head to the side, feeling slender fingers brush against his cheek. His amber serpentine eyes slid closed slowly, in reverence, unable to bear the sight of the Angel’s heartwarming smile. Angel and Demon took a step forward each, endlessly dancing, gravitating closer still, until their lips met and both of Aziraphale’s hands were buried in soft red curls of hair. Lips collided and a taste still not as familiar as Aziraphale would have wished it to be, smothered his senses. Crowley’s breath was cool, bearing with it the scent of a fine wine and that of fresh mint.

* * *

A soft moan managed to slip past Crowley’s vocal cords as his body shivered, overrun by a peculiar mixture of emotions. Oh, but what an irony. A being that was almost as old as time itself, now shuddered like a young man, under the touch of those lips that held traces of red wine, Earl Grey Tea and just a fleeting tad of cinnamon. He shuddered, yes, as every fiber of his being pulsed in time with that kiss. He shuddered like a young man who is experiencing the pleasure the flesh for the first time, albeit this was not their first kiss.

* * *

The clash of thunder which shook the city to its foundations caused the pair to be driven apart. The night sky was torn in half as the silver thread descended from the heavens, brightening up the world. A thick layer of snow had gathered on the pavement and when Crowley looked outside the window his face fell. The Bentley was parked right outside the bookstore, but one could barely recognize the vehicle as it was now all coated in white. “Ah, come on…” Crowley winced, relaxing as a pair of hands cupped his shoulders. “Stay here the night.” Aziraphale offered once more, voice low, muffled. 

* * *

The demon allowed his eyes to flutter closed yet again, swallowing his fears. It was true that he enjoyed sleeping very much and that the prospect of spending the night at the bookstore was tempting to say the least. Ever since the world almost ended, however, so did Crowley’s peaceful, dreamless slumbers. Nightmares would more often than not disturb his sleep, and although Crowley would never admit it, many a time had he woken up by the echo of his own inhuman howl. His frown deepened as that dreadful sound occupied his thoughts and Aziraphale hurried to offer a way out.

* * *

“Unless, you don’t want to. There’s no pressure at all, my dear. If that’s the case then I can miracle you right back to your flat—” The rumbling was cut short, as Crowley placed his index and middle finger before those pulp lips. “Angel, hush. I’d love to stay.” The Demon clarified, emitting to the outside a calmness he wasn’t really feeling. Aziraphale beamed at that, a smile so bright it could cast away even the thickest of shadows that the most treacherous mind would dare to forge.

Yes, Crowley thought as he allowed his angel to take his hand, carefully, oh so carefully, as though he was the most delicate creation in the entire known Universe. “Yes…” Crowley muttered under his breath as they climbed the stairs heading toward the bedroom… With Aziraphale by his side, he could fight the nightmares. He could fight the figments of his imagination, the desperate swirling thoughts that would clench him the moment his eyelids would fall.

Yes… He could do it, he was certain.  
Alas, as he would soon find out, he had never been more wrong in his long life…

* * *

_**End of Chapter One...**_  



	2. “Lingering Words…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!! I am so sorry for being late! Thank you all for giving this a try!! I hope you will enjoy he following chapter!

** Chapter Two: “Lingering Words…” **

The wooden floor creaked under Crowley’s feet, as though it was protesting, trying to scare this new intruder away. The Demon turned, gazing over his shoulder at Aziraphale, noticing that the Angel moved elegantly around the room, avoiding to step on certain parts of the wood that were apparently older than their counterparts. Still, his steps were light, gentle even, and not a single crackle echoed in the room as he moved around. “Six millennia and I’ve never been up here.” Crowley commented absently, eyes darting around the small space.

* * *

“Well, it’s not like I have maintained this shop and the small room above it for this long.” Crowley chuckled lowly at that. “Still. It’s quite convenient.” Aziraphale dared to look up, smiling softly. “That it is.” He replied, going over to a small wardrobe in search of a more comfortable set of clothes. Yet another apology hung in the air above Aziraphale’s head, lingering on the tip of the angel’s tongue. But just like so many unspoken words it remained imprisoned in Aziraphale’s soul. “Angel?” Crowley quirked an eyebrow at his friend, seeing as he had come to a halt and seemed lost in thought.

* * *

“Ah, I am sorry my dear. If you could wait only a moment…” The Angel mumbled in return, digging further into the closet. Crowley let the moment pass and sat on the bed, leaning with his back against the wooden headboard. The mattress, in contradiction to the abused floor, did not screech under Crowley’s weight, and the demon found himself running his fingers over it, suppressing a low, keen sound of pleasure as he did so. The mattress was either brand new, or unused, as it did not sink deeply with the added weight. “Ah, here it is!” A rather triumphant cry broke the comfortable silence which had leaped between the two as Aziraphale returned to the side of the bed, holding a piece of clothing in each hand.

* * *

A linen black nightshirt with small, beautiful cufflinks was nestled in his right hand while a pair of comfortable looking trousers of the same color, were held in his left grasp. Crowley was left staring at the set, taking a mental note of the size of both the nightshirt as well as the trousers. “They are…” Crowley swallowed awkwardly as he studied the clothes thoroughly. He ran his fingers along the length of the shirt, feeling the cool linen fabric caressing his skin. His eyes had to look for the sews, a fact indicating that, were one to buy said set, he would have to pay more than his fair share of money. Yet, as Crowley soon deduced, despite their superb quality and their ebony color, neither pieces of clothing were brand new.

* * *

Crowley’s eyes darted between the shirt and Aziraphale. “They are…” The angel licked his lips, inhaling deeply. “For you, my dear. I got a hold of their maker sometime around the end of the Second World War and, well, I thought… I thought of you. I know how fond of sleep you are and they seemed quite comfortable. There’s a silk robe to wear on top of the shirt, if you’d like.” Aziraphale blurted out in a soft tone Crowley had rarely heard before. “I… I made sure to keep them neatly folded and clean and—” Crowley stretched his hands, taking a hold of the angel’s vest, pulling him towards the mattress.

* * *

Aziraphale stumbled forward rather gracelessly, coming to an abrupt halt when his legs hit the bed. “Crowley, what on earth—” A sharp inhale barred the way to whatever Aziraphale wished to say and yellow snakelike eyes pierced the Angel like a thousand daggers. They were now once again chest to chest, breathing the same air, molecules of oxygen they didn’t need, yet they craved for regardless, for they were carrying with them a mixture of their combined breaths. Crowley opened his mouth but a lone hiss was what slipped past his clenched teeth.

* * *

Ocean blue eyes fell closed, eyelids burdened with guilt. “I bought them after the incident where you crossed consecrated ground to get to me and then saved my books on top of it all.” The angel offered rather apologetically, understanding what Crowley was trying to ask, but could not. “Crowley…” The demon’s posture stiffened at the echo of his name and to his utter horror Aziraphale recognized the way in which those well shaped muscles hardened. Crowley was anticipating sharp words to tear his soul into shreds. Just like so many times in the past. Aziraphale licked his lips as he spoke once more, breaking a silence that had lasted seemingly countless years, yet the angel had counted each and every one. With an aching heart he realized Crowley had been counting them as well. “Back then I understood that what we shared was a profound connection which I could no longer deem insignificant. Because, at that very moment I finally saw that our bond was more than one of friendliness. It was one of tenderness, and that, my dear Crowley, is perhaps the most significant aspect of my life.”

* * *

Crowley shuddered involuntarily, causing Aziraphale to move his hands so as to grip Crowley’s forearms tightly. The demon stilled, allowing those gentle, yet surprisingly strong arms to steady him. Aziraphale for the first time in their long lifespan felt the almost agonizing need to be the one to ground Crowley to this new reality, to this new age, where the world didn’t end, where their respective bosses had finally left them uninspected, where their souls had finally collided after eons of gravitating toward and around one another, in endless circles. To that world which was reborn after almost ending, where there was but one side. Their side.

* * *

“I wanted to thank you. For what you did at the church. And for everything in the years that followed. I wanted…” His voice wavered as it faded into nothing. “But you never did. You never gave the clothes to me.” The words bid on Aziraphale’s flesh and the angel loathed the sour taste of yet another unspoken apology which lingered at the corner of his lips. “But I suppose for beings like us, it’s never too late, right?” The angel’s heart welled up with an unparalleled amount of love that sweetened the curves of his mouth, coating the deep, bitter taste of regret. How was it, that Crowley could always be so forgiving, when forgiveness was the one thing he could never obtain for himself, Aziraphale couldn’t understand.

* * *

He absently nodded his approval. “So… Thank you, angel. For sparing a thought on me.” Crowley’s voice was soft, a touch light as a feather’s brush. “It’s my biggest pleasure, Crowley.” The angel offered, occupying himself with folding the shirts and trousers he had tossed out of the closet, while Crowley changed out of his tight clothes. If ocean blue eyes slid sideways to catch a glimpse of that well shaped body the demon made no comment on it. In turn, Aziraphale remained silent when Crowley took a few steps to the side so as to be in the angel’s line of sight, muttering an almost incoherent excuse about being too close to the window.

* * *

When Crowley was finally settled, Aziraphale stole a glance from the corner of the closet, eyes widening at the sight of Crowley clad in the finest black linen fabric, shoulders relaxed and long arms being at ease at his sides. The soft, almost hesitant smile which had brightened up his face as well as the room, elicited a low keen from the angel’s lips. It was that soft sound that shook Crowley, pulling him out of his thoughts. He turned to Aziraphale, blinking out of his haze. “What? The pattern is totally outdated.” Now it was the angel’s turn to smile fondly as the other lay on the bed, pulling the blankets on top of him. 

* * *

Aziraphale merely snapped his fingers, causing the temperature of the room to rise significantly and remain at that level during the night, before turning to Crowley, who was basking in the heat. “Thankssss Angel.” He slightly hissed, eyes darting to Aziraphale momentarily. Aziraphale held the demon’s gaze, but the thought of staying by his side for the night, albeit a tempting one, fled as fast as it had stirred the angel’s mind. “Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll be heading downstairs. That way you’ll be more comfortable.” Crowley’s brow furrowed but he bit the inside of his cheek, nodding his approval silently, eyes fluttering closed as Aziraphale leaned forwards ever so carefully, placing a tentative kiss onto his forehead. Crowley moaned lowly, but as the angel moved downward his soft lips swallowed the next lament which Crowley was ready to let out.

* * *

Once they parted Crowley gasped, wished that the angel had taken with him not only his breath but also his horrid nightmares. “Good night Angel.” Crowley uttered albeit he knew the other man wouldn’t sleep. “Good night, my dear heart.” The words were soft, a warm caress on that cold night which traveled deep, pushing and purging, sliding in between each and every fiber of Crowley’s being. With a small smile and a nod, Aziraphale moved backward slowly, turning around to head downstairs, leaving Crowley alone in the old room, an easy prey to the beast which lurked in the depths of the demon’s mind…

* * *

** End of chapter 2… **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it ends!  
> I hope you liked it!!  
> Please let me know what you think! Comments and kudos make my day!  
> Chapters three and four are coming right up!  
> Until next time   
> Love you all,  
> Usagi!


	3. "When the Stars will Fade..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 3! I hope you will not be let down!  
> Thank you for reading!!

** Chapter Three: When the Stars will Fade..." **

There was a deep, almost incomprehensible sense of joy that would overrun the Angel whenever the Almighty would ask him to fly away in yet untamed parts of the Universe where no one else but She had ever been, in order to create what She called Stars. Enormous constructions they were, and he found himself so indulged by the end result when he finished the first one, that he went on to make millions upon millions of Stars, each and every one different from the one that came before. Their sized varied, as did their colors, for he wanted to make them all unique in their own right.

* * *

The Angel made some of them cold and small, gifting them with a sizzling scarlet glow that would radiate from the inside out. Others he made bigger and yellow, taking special care of the middle-sized star that was meant to lighten up the Earth for millennia to come. The biggest of Stars he made were warmer than all their counterparts, emitting a scarlet-to-white light, which was mesmerizing beyond comprehension. Despite their differences, all of them carried an ounce of his angelic Grace, which caused them to simmer even more during the night.

* * *

He could feel them pulsing with energy he had given them, embracing him every time he would draw near them, causing his soul to rejoice. He was a part of them, and they were a part of him, carrying his touch until the end of all things. One day the Angel returned to Heaven after creating his favorite jewel yet. He hadn’t chosen a name for them yet, but the two Stars were so close to one another, gravitating toward one another endlessly, bound to be ever so close, yet unfortunately never close enough to touch.

* * *

The Angel blinked at the veil of darkness which began to spread, devouring the sweet light of Heaven briskly, until every single speck of white had faded. A terrified yelp fell from his lips as darkness was now surrounding everything around him. Something was wrong, something felt out of place. Before the Angel could voice his worries however, a soft voice echoed in the air and a calming presence nestled near the Angel, who trying his best to leech off as much of it as he could. “Why can’t they touch one another?” The question was uttered in a low, meek tone.

* * *

The Angel looked to the side where the source of the voice seemed to linger. It was a strange voice, yet deep down it held a trace of familiarity to it. The sole beacons of light were the precious stars up above. “Because they mirror my love for Her. I always gravitate toward Her, endlessly trying to reach Her, to touch Her glorious Essence, but I cannot. Because, there is always something baring the way. I am always so very close yet at the same time so very far.” The Angel heard himself explaining, astonished at the words he had uttered.There was a sad lament from where the voice had echoed and then it came once more. “When you look at them from afar, you cannot distinguish them. They look like they are one.” The voice offered softly, yet the Angel couldn’t understand what it meant.

* * *

“She is aware of the love you feel. And She feels the same for you, my dear heart...” There was a pause and to the Angel the voice sounded so close and yet so very far, much like his two stars. Once again, he tried to make out the face of the being which was standing next to him but when his attempt proved to be fruitless, he fixed his gaze at the countless shimmering stars which were pinned on the endless plain above his head. “If She loves me then why is She…” A gasp cut him off.

* * *

“Do not ask any more questions, my dear heart. You’ve already asked quite a few.” There was fear lingering in those words, yet the Angel could trace a spark of admiration as well. Alas, the Angel had no recollection of asking the Almighty anything. “But I just want to know why…” The words faded and the voice reached him once more. “I beg of you, my dear heart. Do not ask what you must not.” The Angel shuddered at the tone. Laden with so much care and affection it was, that the Angel’s frame shook at the echo of the words. The voice faded then and the Angel feared it would go away. “Show me your true form.” It wasn’t a question but neither a demand. It was a plea. A soft sound akin to a chuckle came from the Angel’s side. “Have you not witnessed my true form?” The Angel shook his head. “Tell me your name then.” He tried once more. “Oh, but do you not know it?” Another negative shake of his head.

* * *

“How can you not know it, my dear heart? You gave me the name I bear.” At that, the Angel narrowed his eyes. “No, how can this be? You’re an Angel as well. I can’t name you.” The voice returned, soft as always. “Of course I am an Angel, my dear heart. But you, my love are more than that.” Ever so slowly, as though he was afraid to speak, the Angel opened his mouth. “I am a healer, the creator of Stars--” The voice cut him off chastely. “Yes, my heart. I know that very well.” The voice assured fondly. “Then, why am I the one to name you?” Questioned the Angel incredulously.

* * *

“You said I am yours for all Time, your dearest Star.” The voice echoed once more and the words sounded odd, yet try as he might the Angel couldn’t trace a single lie amongst them. “Mine…” Echoed the Angel slowly, as though he was tasting the word in the curves of his mouth. “Yes, my heart. Yours to care for, to protect, to heal, to love. So, I asked of you to find a name for me, other than the one the Almighty has given me. One only your lips would utter.” The Angel swallowed hard.

* * *

“How could I ever name you if I don’t recall my own name?” A gasp echoed loud in the silence and the Angel felt waves of pain engulfing him as the dreadful realization came crashing down on him. “Why can’t I remember my own name?” Muttered the Angel, turning to where the voice was coming from. “Oh my love, wake up, come on now.” The Angel blinked a couple of times. “Wake up? What does that even mean?” The voice remained silent and the Angel found himself shaking his head, hoping that the movement would help him remember. “How could you ever forget the name She gave you?” The voice dripped of sadness. “I didn’t mean to forget…” The Angel stuttered brokenly, feeling the last traces of reason leaving him.

* * *

In less than a heartbeat his eyes widened and he frenziedly turned toward the other being, toward the other Angel who seemed to be his only salvation. “Tell me!” The Angel croaked out beseechingly. “If you love me—” The voice cut the Angel of once more. “How could I not love you?” The words sounded desperate, as though the bearer of that voice had no choice on the matter, as though he was doomed to have feelings for the Angel. “Then, please tell me!” A long silence leaped all around the endless plain and the Stars quivered. “My dear heart, you’re the Archangel Raphael. Now, please come back to me, come on now.” The Angel shuddered at the name as it sounded foreign in his ears.

* * *

“That’s not…” Something in the air changed then. “That’s not my name…” The words wavered dangerously. “That’s not my name!” This time the Angel shrieked in horror, kneeling before the bearer of that voice, despite not being able to see anything. “My dear, calm yourself. I’m right here, it’s alright, just calm down.” Pleaded the voice yet it was to no avail. “I beg of you Angel, please, you have to believe me, that’s not my name, please!” A low moan escaped his lips as something shook his frame to its core.

* * *

“Please, you need to help me, Angel I beg of you—”But he never got the chance to finish his sentence. The very next moment he was forcibly yanked backwards, feeling his wings materializing by instinct. Suddenly, he began to realize that what was out of place, was him. He wailed as he was torn away from that calming, soothing voice, away from his beloved Stars which watched him drifting further and further downwards, until his white wings began to burn and he was surrounded by treacherous, scarlet flames.

* * *

The Angel screamed as one by one, the beautiful white feathers which comprised his wings began burning to their core, turning ebony like the night sky. The flames had now engulfed him and despite his desperate attempts to fly upwards he couldn’t escape their hold. The Stars he had so meticulously crafted and had so fiercely loved could do nothing to save him from his cruel fate. They could only watch him Fall, committing his scream to memory, to repeat it at the time of their death. A scream so loud, it reached both Heaven as well as the Realm of Hell and would never be forgotten by anyone who had the misfortune to hear it.

* * *

By the time he crashed onto the muddy, cold ground, he was distorted beyond recognition. He managed to stand on shaky legs, the scent of burned flesh smothering his senses. The flames had now diminished, but had taken with them everything he had adored. Her Essence, his Wings, a part of his soul… Even his beloved creations, the shimmering Stars were now distant and cold, having no recollection of the one who gave them an ounce of his Grace so as to shine. “No…” The tortured soul choked a cry when thick, grey clouds concealed the last beacons of light. “Darkness…” The Angel sobbed as his heart ached. “The Stars…” He chanted brokenly, trying to move upwards once more. But to no avail.

* * *

“Angel, angel, help me…” The fallen being croaked out weakly, trying to conceal himself with whatever was left of his once white Wings. He coiled his body as he felt his blood freezing in his veins. How could fire ever burn someone only to leave them as cold as ice afterwards? He didn’t know. “Angel…” The word tasted bitter on his torn lips. Who was he pleading for help? He didn’t know that either. “Crowley, my dear heart, open your eyes…” The echo of the name stirred something in that broken soul and the fallen Angel blinked.

* * *

“Open your eyes, there’s always light in the dark, just open your eyes and see…” There it was again, that voice which was calling him. “Crowley…” Oh, but how could he ever forsake that voice? If all were to be swallowed by those treacherous flames which had burned his Wings save from that voice, then the Angel—who was such a being no more—would manage to survive and find his way back to that voice, back to its bearer. The name echoed in his ears loud and clear and the distorted being did as he was told, opening his eyes, hoping beyond hope that he would then be able to see the Stars he so deeply loved… 

* * *

** End of Chapter Three… **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it ends!  
> I would love to know your thoughts on the chapter as I liked writing it!!  
> Next chapter is coming right up!  
> Thank you so much!  
> Until next time,  
> Love you all,  
> Usagi


	4. "Endlessly Falling..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 4! Ah, my heart loves the angst! I hope you'll enjoy!!  
> Thank you for reading!!

** Chapter Four: “Endlessly falling…” **

With one last glance over his shoulder, Aziraphale moved away from the staircase and toward his favorite armchair, grabbing the book he had put aside earlier with one hand and his glass which still contained a couple of sips of wine in the other. He sighed in contentment as he sunk in the all too familiar cushion, opening the book on the page he had marked, losing himself in the narrative. He paused a moment to gaze at the ceiling, his heart warming up at the thought of Crowley sleeping peacefully in the room upstairs, concealed under the blankets, safe from the bitter cold. Minutes blend into hours as Aziraphale kept reading, mentally noting how these early hours of the day were the ones he longed for the most, as they offered peace and tranquility.

* * *

Everything around him was eerily quiet, and even though the snowfall had ceased, every single surface remained coated in a white blanket which seemed to absorb all sounds. Aziraphale got ready to turn the page of his book when a heart wrenching shriek tore through the night. A sound so inhuman, yet filled with so much pain and anguish, that it caused Aziraphale’s blood to run cold. A sound elicited from the depths of a being that had witnessed the cruelty of war, who had felt despair at all its glory. The angel shivered as another howl echoed, threatening to rip the fabric of reality apart.

* * *

Aziraphale blinked rapidly, finding himself, if only for a split second, amidst a bunch of soldiers, which were screaming, scattering across the battlefield as bombs were erupting left and right, lighting up the night, stealing away the lives of those who had the misfortune to stand too close to them. The angel swallowed down a sour wave of bile as the howl of the burning soldiers slithered under his skin. But then it all went quiet, as the soldiers could no longer scream, hear or see.

* * *

Aziraphale shook his head, willing his mind to cast the memories back down from where they had come. His surroundings became solid, as the image of the battlefield blended away in the back of his mind. The howling, however, did not. “Crowley!” Aziraphale gasped in horror as he bolted upright in a blink of an eye, tossing his book aside carelessly in favor of a sharpened letter opener he kept in the drawer of his desk. The weapon was by no means a flaming sword, not even a sword for that matter, but after the almost end of the world Aziraphale felt the need to keep some sort of blade within his reach.

* * *

He had carved Enochian symbols on the pommel, hoping that they would be of some help should any angel or demon decide to pay him a visit. Deep down, he was well aware the small blade could be of no actual use to him in case of an attack. The only thing he prayed for as he climbed the stairs two at the time, frenzied as he had never been before, was that he, his body, his celestial form and every fiber of his soul, would be enough to protect Crowley…

* * *

“Crowley!” The angel cried out frantically as he burst through the door, holding the small blade tightly. His eyes widened as the room was plunged into darkness causing him to snap the fingers of his free hand. “Let there be light!” The order was followed by the instant illumination of the room, which, in turn, cast peculiar shadows across the walls. Blue eyes squinted at the sudden change and it took Aziraphale a moment to realize that, apart from the strange shadows, there was no intruder in the room. Aziraphale released a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding.

* * *

A low moan came from the corner where the bed was nestled and the thud of the letter opener as it crashed onto the floor covered Aziraphale’s gasp. The angel rushed forward before the small weapon had even touched the wooden floor, falling to his knees by the bed, paying no mind to the jolt which shook his human body to its core. “Crowley, wake up, come on now.” He offered outstretching both his hands to help rid Crowley of the blankets which seemed to bind him to the mattress.

* * *

He may not have been fond of the concept of sleep but he had been around humans for quite long to know that many a time sleeping could be more complicated than expected. Especially during the years of the Black Death, as men had named the deadly plague, Aziraphale had remained on earth trying his best to soothe and comfort those who had fallen ill. Countless were the nights he had spent by their side, watching them struggle with images their own feverish mind would conjure. More often than not he would choose to ease their pain by performing a miracle to stop the nightmares; the only comfort he could actually offer them.

* * *

The demon on the bed stirred, shivering despite the heat and Aziraphale swallowed the lamp in his throat at the sight of Crowley’s twisted face. “I didn’t mean to forget…” The whispers were laden with so much guilt that Aziraphale felt tears welling up in his eyes. He opened his mouth to offer reassurances to the shuddering demon, yet he never got the chance. “Tell me! If you love me…” Aziraphale couldn’t stop himself from replying. “How could I not love you?” The Angel shivered at the echo of his words, shaken by the sheer amount of desperation which they were laden with. “Then please, tell me!” The demon sounded so scared Aziraphale wanted to perform a miracle to wake him up. Alas, he decided against it, albeit with a heavy heart, fearing that an angelic intervention at a time when Crowley’s mind was so distressed could make things worse.

* * *

“Crowley, please come back to me, come on now, Crowley.” The words wavered as Aziraphale wasn’t sure who their recipient was meant to be. He took a moment to calm his galloping imagination, putting a stop to the dreadful images of angels and demons showering Crowley with holy water. The sole enemy lingered behind Crowley’s closed eyelids, but little did its immaterial state help Aziraphale defeat it. Crowley was trapped in the clenches of his own mind and their hold over the demon was almost unbreakable.

* * *

“Shh… Hush Crowley…” Aziraphale muttered as Crowley moaned anew the moment the blankets were lifted off his shivering frame. “That’s not… That’s not my name!” The demon croaked out desperately causing the crease on Aziraphale’s brow to deepen. “My dear, calm yourself. I’m right here, it’s alright, just calm down.” It was pointless. “Please, you need to help me, Angel I beg of you—” Crowley’s broken cry was accompanied by a string of broken breaths and he choked on his own sob. Ebony wings materialized in less than a heartbeat, their frantic flapping creating a rather strong breeze. The scream that followed caused the windows to rattle dangerously and Aziraphale’s heart to shatter.

* * *

When the roar finally subsided, Crowley was left sobbing and shaking like a leaf, his wings flapping as though they had a mind of their own. Aziraphale had to utilize strength he had almost forgotten he possessed to keep Crowley from hurting himself as the demon thrust forward, in an attempt to break free of the Angel’s iron grip. The movement was followed by an almost incoherent mumbling from Crowley, with Aziraphale managing to make out a couple of broken words in between the sharp breaths.

* * *

“D-darkness… The stars, the stars…” The angel loosened his bowtie with a snap of his fingers in an attempt to lessen the pressure in his chest. “Crowley, my dear heart, open your eyes, there’s always light, just open your eyes and see…” This time the words reached Crowley’s fogged mind and yellow eyes flew open darting around the room. Strong hands cradled Crowley’s face, brushing away burning teardrops and a cold layer of sweat. “Crowley, look at me.” Aziraphale offered kindly, yet firmly, trying to get those yellow eyes to focus on him.

* * *

The attempt was futile however, for the demon’s eyes may have been opened, but they were unseeing, lost in another world. The demon squinted at the white light, turning to look at the Angel. Aziraphale braced himself, yet despite his best efforts, he could have never been prepared for what he was about to see. So distorted from fear and pain was Crowley’s face that for a moment Aziraphale thought the demon had lost his Grace and that his corporal body was beginning to age. The realization that this couldn’t be the case since Crowley had materialized his wings, offered almost no comfort to the Angel, who scrutinized the demon’s face further, in an attempt to get him to snap out of his delirium.

* * *

A face haunted by memories older than the very planet the two celestial beings were inhabiting, a face ashen and drenched in sweat, that was looking paler than ever before under the white light which was illuminating the room. Aziraphale swallowed hard, eyes falling on to Crowley’s sharp cheeks, which were raked by tears and seemed hollow as though the demon had gone a very long time without food or water. The bones underneath seemed bigger than usual, ready to tear the skin apart. His lips, ajar and dry, were quivering despite the heat. 

* * *

As for his eyes, those beautiful, captivating eyes, they were filled with what could only be terror. But if one knew where to look, he would find oceans of despair lingering in their depths. Still, those eyes stared at Aziraphale unblinking, and it took the Angel a moment to realize they were not actually focused on him, but on the dark sky outside the window, which was on the wall across the room. Before any words could be uttered, Crowley threw his hands toward the Angel, pressing his sweaty palms against Aziraphale’s shoulders. 

* * *

The notion threw Aziraphale to the side forcibly, causing him to fall to the wooden floor with a groan. Two enormous ebony wings flapped immediately after that, throwing down books and every other item that had the misfortune of being placed within their reach, causing havoc in their wake. “Crowley! What are you doing?” Aziraphale croaked out as he got to his knees once more, getting ready to reach out to the bed and grip the demon’s hands, intending to apply much more strength than he did before. All his hands grasped however, was a warm wave of air as Crowley leaped out of the bed and in two long strides stood before the window, across the room.

* * *

Aziraphale felt fret clenching around his heart as Crowley seemed unable to escape the horrors of his nightmare albeit he was awake. Driven by a surging desire to help, Aziraphale pushed himself to his feet, turning toward the window. A string of heaving breaths was the only sound Crowley was capable of producing and blue eyes widened in horror as Aziraphale witnessed the shaking palms which the demon had placed on the glass turning into fists. “Don’t, you will hurt yourself! Crowley, don’t!” Before the last word could escape Aziraphele’s lips, a hiss echoed as Crowley threw his fist forward like a riffle. The glass cracked under the intense pressure and the demon repeated the act instantly, aiming for the same spot. His fist hit its target again and the roar of breaking glass filled the small room, strong as a thunder.

* * *

A gust of ice-cold wind invaded then, pushing bloodstained shards of glass backward. A low shriek fell from the angel’s lips as one rather sharp piece of glass launched itself amidst Crowley’s right wing, but the demon paid no mind to it as he climbed out the window, balancing on the windowsill. The rest of the shards traveled toward Aziraphale, who was still lingering a few feet away from the wrenched bed. Thin rivulets of blood followed, floating midair, whipping the angel’s face as they landed on it. The demon seemed lost in his own mind, and had outstretched his heads, trying to reach something he could no longer touch.

* * *

Aziraphale’s heart sank and he twitched violently as the smell of blood—Crowley’s blood no less—smothered his senses, shaking his body to its core. With a snap of his fingers the shards of glass superheated and vaporized, turning into specks of sand which shimmered under the white light which was still illuminating the room. “Crowley, come down from there!” The angel pleaded desperately, but Crowley just leaned forwards, extending his wings as he did so.

* * *

A low lament fell from Crowley’s lips when thick clouds were once again hiding the Stars from his line of sight. An endless longing, a grievance like no other lingered in the depths of his soul and it climbed up the demon’s throat, choking him, stealing the words from his lips, wrenching his vocal cords until only a low, painful moan could escape them. Aziraphale was left dumbstruck, eyes filled with tears at the sight of the demon before him. He hurried toward the window, but it was already too late.

* * *

“Crowley, my darling, don’t!” Alas the angel’s call fell on deaf ears for yet another time as the demon thrust upwards, flying out the window and up against the cold wind which was blowing from the north, freezing everything in its path. Blood run freely from the gash on his battered wing, falling down the pavement, red ribbons staining the white layer of snow. Crowley tried his damn best but didn’t make it far, for the bitter cold assaulted him, numbing his muscles and eventually hindering them. The sensation was torturous yet it seemed to put out the fire that was ravaging his mind, allowing him to come back to his senses.

* * *

Yellow snakelike eyes blinked back the tears as they took in the sky up above and the outdoor scenery. Crowley gasped in fear and pain, clenching his wrenched fingers into fists yet again. Alas, there was nothing he could do to hinder what he had already set in motion. And so it was, that bound to the relentless force of gravity as he was, he began falling once more. A part of him wondered if he had ever stopped…

* * *

  
**End of Chapter 4…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here it ends! I would love to hear your thoughts!  
> I will post chapter five as soon as I can. Rest assured, all will end well.  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> Until next time,   
> All my love,  
> Usagi!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So here ends the first chapter. The story will have two more chapters to go as they won't be very long. I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! Kudos and Comments make my day and these two have quite literally saved me, so I am forever grateful!  
> Until next time,  
> Love you all,  
> Usagi!


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